Heavy Lifting And Put-Me-Downs

(My aunt is visiting for the weekend. She and my mom are chatting while they cook.)

Mom: “[My name], would you put up a new jug of water?”

(I go and lift the 30 lb. jug onto the water machine. The ladies continue to chat as mom cooks.)

Mom: “[My name], would you open this jar of spaghetti sauce?”

(I open the jar, which is stuck pretty hard. It requires quite a bit of elbow grease. I open it, then hand it back to mom. They continue chatting.)

Mom: “You know, there’s really only two things we need men for: heavy lifting and opening jars.”

Aunt: “Hah! That’s all they’re good for, all right!”

Me: “Anything else you need me to lift or unscrew, since those are the only two things I’m good for?”

Mom: “No, that’s it. You can go.”

(She turns back to the stove, but shrieks in horror.)

Mom: “Yuck! A cockroach! [My name], get it!”

Me: “Not until you admit that men are good for THREE things!”