Heartfelt Love Is So Last Year

(I recently start dating my best friend. We’re having a lot of fun finding new ways to express our warm-and-fuzzy feelings for each other.)

Boyfriend: “If you ever get mauled by a bear with chainsaw hands, I hope he stays away from your face… because I think you’re cute.”

Me: “Aww!”

Boyfriend: “I mean that from the bottom of my spleen.”