Hear No Evil, Rear No Evil

(Per my recommendation, my boss has hired my friend, who I am dating, to set up an office for a relocation. Note: my friend is fairly thin, petite, and looks like a pin-up girl, but is a lot stronger than she looks. My boss also hasn’t met my friend in person yet, so mistakenly thinks she’s a man. It’s the day of the review and my boss, a coworker and I are waiting on the freight elevator to tour the office.)

Boss: “Wow, [my name], your friend did a nice job. What’s his name again?”

Me: “Um, sir, [name] is—”

(At that moment, the freight lift door opens and my friend walks off, pushing a cart with a heavy-looking desk on it.)

Boss: “Who the h*** are you?”

My Friend: “Oh, I’m [name]. Nice to meet you, sir.” *to me* “Hi, [my name].”

Boss: “Oh dear. Oh this will never do. That’s much to heavy for a tiny thing like you.”

My Friend: “It’s not that heavy.” *continues to push the desk* “Be right back, then.”

(As she pushes the desk down the hallway away from us, my coworker checks her rear end out.)

Coworker: “That girl has a nice a**.” *to us* “Who wants to take the bet that I can get the b**** to go out with me?”

(I actually have a date with her that night, so I laugh.)

Me: “I wouldn’t take that bet on any regard…”

(When my friend finally returns, my coworker tries to grab her a**. However, she pinches his wrist and makes him yelp.)

Coworker: “Ow! Hey what’s your problem, man? God!”

My Friend: “The b**** has ears.”