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Doctors, nurses, and staying healthy

Scamming Grannies Is A Low Blow

, | Healthy Legal | April 27, 2022

My grandmother got taken in by a scam commercial. They claimed something like:

Commercial: “If you have Medicaid or Medicare, you may be eligible for this brace free of charge!

The problem is that they charge the insurance for a medical visit to get prescriptions for multiple braces, even though you never even speak to the doctor or whoever.

By the time my mom and I stepped in, they had sent enough braces to immobilize Granny from head to toe — neck, shoulder, arm, wrist, back, knee, ankle, etc.

We contacted the Medicare/Medicaid folks, and they said they were investigating the commercials. We still notice their ads on TV, and it’s been four years already.

Inhospitable At The Hospital

, , , , , | Healthy | April 27, 2022

I’m in the hospital right now, and I’m a fall risk, so I’m not even allowed out of bed without someone present. My only option for food is the room service menu since I can’t go to the other food places in the hospital or get delivery to the front desk. Their ordering hours are 6:30 am to 6:30 pm every day. I am cutting it close and call at 6:25 pm one night.

The lady starts taking my order and then snaps: 

Employee: “MA’AM, I HIGHLY SUGGEST YOU CALL IN THIS KIND OF ORDER MORE THAN FIVE MINUTES BEFORE THE KITCHEN CLOSES IN THE FUTURE!”

The offending item was hummus on a tortilla wrap with lettuce and tomato.

Astounding Obliviousness

, , , , | Healthy | April 26, 2022

Like a lot of hospitals, the location of our emergency department is very obvious. It has one ramp leading up to a large garage where ambulances can park.

One evening, I am working at an entrance close to emergency, and a couple comes in for a scheduled diagnostic imaging appointment. On their way out, they calmly inform me and my coworkers:

Patient: “We parked on the ramp to the emergency department. Do you think we’ll get a ticket?”

I thought they’d be lucky if they weren’t towed! I will never understand some people.

Unless You Know Of Some Other Way For This To Work…

, , , , | Healthy | April 23, 2022

We recently adopted a blind cat. She had to have her eyes removed because of cat flu. She’s fine now and you don’t notice anything different in her behaviour. But we wanted to have her checked by our vet for her weight etc. This happened when we arrived, and the assistant took our details.

Assistant: “Okay, I wrote everything down. Is there anything else we should know beforehand?”

Me: “Yes, she doesn’t have eyes.”

Assistant: “So, she’s blind?”

This Manager Can’t Stomach A Reasonable Request

, , , , , | Healthy | April 21, 2022

I’ve been having a lot of stomach problems. My doctor orders a CT scan. This shows a small abnormality in my colon. He sends me to a gastrointestinal specialist, who orders a colonoscopy, as he is concerned that I have something that could turn serious if left alone. The first one available is a month later, on a Monday morning. My doctor also tells me that I’ll be under anesthesia, so no driving until the next day.

My job is pretty strict about requesting time off early, so I figure a month is more than enough time. I go to work and tell my boss that I’ll need that whole day off.

Boss: “Oh.”

Me: “Yeah, it’s a pain, I know.”

Boss: “Can that be moved?”

Me: “Only if it’s for a really good reason. Why?”

Boss: “I’m leaving for vacation the day after, and I was going to take that day off to get everything ready.”

I stare at my boss in disbelief.

Boss: “I need time to pack! So, can it be moved?”

I take a deep breath and attempt to stay calm.

Me: “The next available date was two weeks later, on a Tuesday. Since I have to be on a liquid diet and a very strong laxative the day before, this would require me to take two days off. Would you rather I take two days instead of one?”

Boss: “No, I would not. The original appointment is fine. So, you’ll be in afterward, right?”

Me: “Say what?”

Boss: “I mean, I know you said you needed the whole day. But I had this thought. Your appointment is in the morning, so you take the morning off and come in after lunch. Then, I can take a half-day. Problem solved!”

She smiles proudly. My composure slips.

Me: “Have you ever had a colonoscopy?”

Boss: “Nope! Why?”

At my request, my GI doctor has told me exactly what the procedure will entail. This helps calm my anxiety about the whole thing. I decide to put that knowledge to use, as I know my boss doesn’t like medical descriptions.

Me: “After two doses of an extremely powerful laxative, I have to be put under general anesthesia so that they can stick a camera and a probe up my a** to make sure I don’t have Crohn’s or cancer. And I haven’t even mentioned the tissue sample that he’ll have to take from my intestinal lining. This will likely cause post-procedure bleeding. You want me to come into work after having this done?”

My boss pales, makes a face, and holds up a hand.

Boss: “Stop! I didn’t need to know any of that. I assume your answer is no?”

Me: “Obviously! Plus, I can’t drive for eight hours after being put under.”

Boss: “Someone could drive you in.”

Me: “Have you ever been under anesthesia?! I have, twice. It makes me extremely loopy. You want me handling cash after that? I’m not coming in. End of discussion. Now, are you going to approve it or should I take it unpaid?”

Boss: “Well, now that you put it that way, I guess it was a pretty stupid question. I’ll approve it in the system.”

She walked away, muttering under her breath that I didn’t have to make her look that dumb.

The colonoscopy went without a hitch, and to my great relief, I did not have Crohn’s or cancer! I was eventually diagnosed with IBS, aggravated by stress. My doctor informed me that this can mimic Crohn’s.

I have a different job now.