He Probably Hated The Movie, Too

My theater has just reopened after being closed due to the health crisis. It’s a very slow day and the rest of the lobby staff has been sent on break while I work the lobby by myself. For the last eight years, my theater has had assigned seating.

An angry-looking man comes in to buy tickets.

Me: *Gesturing to the screen* “All right, sir, let me know where you’d like to sit.”

Customer: *Exploding* “I have to pick my own seat?! This is f****** ridiculous! It wasn’t like this the last time I came in!”

He stands there screaming at me for several moments before he finally picks a seat.

Me: “All right, sir, your total will be $6.”

Customer: *Exploding again* “This is highway robbery! $6 for a movie?! Unbelievable!”

He stands there screaming at me for about thirty seconds over a price I have absolutely no control over until he finally shuts up and pays by literally throwing a wad of $1 bills at me.

Customer: *Still fuming* “I want popcorn! Where do I go for that?!”

Me: “I’ll meet you at the concession stand.”

I walk over to the concession stand. The customer looks at the menu above my head and then looks down at me.

Customer: *Exploding yet again* “Oh, f*** you! I can’t believe you charge so much for snacks!”

Me: “Sir, I don’t set the prices.”

Customer: “I want a manager right now, you a**hole!”

I run to the office and fetch my manager, who ends up standing there and getting screamed at for two minutes straight by this d****ebag, again over prices that are set by corporate and that we have absolutely no control over. My manager leaves, shaking her head.

Unfortunately, corporate has made it repeatedly clear that we’re not allowed to refuse service to customers or ban them despite what they do, so I’m forced to continue the transaction. Despite his fury, he still decides to buy some popcorn and a soda. He literally throws his money at me again.

We used to have self-serve stations for butter, salt, napkins, straws, and soda. However, due to the health crisis, we’ve shut down the self-serve butter stations and now give customers pre-measured cups of butter, along with napkins and salt packets, to avoid having too many people touching the same surfaces. Additionally, we have a staff member whose job is to stand at the soda machines and pour sodas for customers, again to avoid having too many people touching the same surfaces.

I hand the customer some pre-measured butter, salt packets, and napkins.

Me: “Here’s some butter and salt for your popcorn, and some napkins.”

Customer: *Exploding yet again* “I have to put butter on my own popcorn?! You lazy p***k! It’s never, ever been like this! Lazy! When did this bulls*** start?!”

Me: “Sir, we’ve had self-serve butter for over ten years. The only difference now is that we give it to you in cups.”

Customer: “Bulls***! F****** liar!”

The customer notices the salt packets, clutches his chest, and bellows like a banshee.

Customer: “OH, MY GOD! I HAVE TO PUT MY OWN SALT ON?! ARE YOU F****** SERIOUS?! GO TO H***! AND WHERE DO I GET MY F****** SODA?!”

Me: *Completely through with the guy* “I’ll meet you at the soda machines.”

I wander over to the soda machine with his cup.

Me: “What do you want?”

Customer: “I CAN’T POUR MY OWN SODA?! WHAT THE F***?! DO I LOOK LIKE A F****** TODDLER TO YOU?!”

Me: “Sir, you just yelled at me because you have to put your own butter and salt on. Now you’re mad I’m pouring your soda for you?”

Customer: “GO F*** YOURSELF!”

I poured his soda without making any eye contact, shoved it at him, and wandered back to the box office without another word. He then yelled at the ticket-taker for asking to see his ticket. He later came out and demanded our corporate number because he wanted to “report us for being worthless p***ks.” Nothing ever came of it. I genuinely think he was just in a bad mood and wanted to be a jerk to feel better. He got mad about literally every step of the movie-going process.