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He Partook WAY Too Much

, , , , , | Right | July 31, 2021

I am working in the “suits and men’s accessories” department. On an initially unremarkable Monday morning, I am approached at around 11:00 am by a man who smells strongly of alcohol and is looking for pyjama pants.

Customer: “I’m on vacation here from Nevada. Do you know the area?”

Me: “I’m pretty familiar. What are you looking for?”

Customer: “Know where I can score some weed?”

I freeze, partly because I’m still in Customer Service mode and legitimately don’t know, and partly because the question is so unexpected.

Customer: *Laughs* “I guess you don’t indulge? That’s okay.”

He then sweeps me up into a hug and, caught off guard, I stay frozen until he lets me go. Laughing, he walks off. I mention it to my manager, jokingly self-reporting myself for letting a customer leave with an unanswered question, and then get back to my regular duties.

About twenty minutes later, the young lady working in the next department over comes to me in a panic and asks for my help.

Coworker: “There’s a naked guy in my fitting room hallway. He tried to hug me.”

Me: *With a sinking feeling* “Was he about this tall, southern accent?”

Sure enough, it is the same guy. I tell her to call security and head over to see what I can accomplish. He’s standing there with a pile of clothes in his hands (and nowhere else) and he smiles when he sees me.

Customer: “Hey, I’d like to buy these. Can you ring me up?”

I take his shoulder and guide him to a fitting booth:

Me: “I’ll be happy to, just as soon as you’re dressed.”

I closed the door in his face and exited to find my coworker, who informed me that security was busy with a shoplifter and couldn’t be bothered with our situation. My department was empty, so I lingered a few minutes to make sure this ended well, only for the hugger to exit the dressing room and make a beeline for the exit between our departments. We just let him go; there was a pile of clothes in the booth he’d used, but we couldn’t be sure if it was all of what he’d had or not. We never found out if he was related to the other shoplifting situation or if he was a bizarre coincidence.

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