He Needs More Help Than He Can Scream For

I work at a small café with a large, glass double-door entry. I am going up front to put change in the registers when I suddenly hear someone very loudly and desperately yelling.

Old Man: “Help! Help!”

I look around and see an older man, about sixty-something, standing outside by one of the coin-operated newspaper vending machines we have right outside our front door. Panicked by his anguished pleas for help, I quickly run outside to help him.

From the way he is screaming, “Help!” at the top of his lungs, I expect to see a finger caught in the newspaper vending machine door or some other grisly sight. As I run up to him, he is still screaming bloody murder, so I try to prepare myself to see some gore. When I reach him, I breathlessly ask:

Me: “Sir, what’s wrong?!”

Immediately, I’m puzzled. Not only is he completely uninjured, but he is also suddenly as calm as can be.

Old Man: *Mildly* “I can’t get my paper.”

Dumbfounded, I say nothing as I watch him place four quarters — the cost of a paper — in the machine. However, before he opens it, he pushes the button on top of the machine that gives you back your change. Apparently, he has been doing this over and over and got so frustrated he decided to scream for help like he was having a heart attack.

Me: “Sir, I’ll be glad to help you.”

I place the quarters back into the slot.

Old Man: “Okay.”

Before I could open the door to retrieve his paper, he pushed the button again! He angrily pulled on the door which, again, wouldn’t open because when the button is pushed it locks the door and returns the change! At this point, I could literally feel the anger and frustration emanating from this guy, so I very politely told him to let me try again.

Though angry and obviously annoyed, he did step aside. I then put in the quarters and quickly opened the door — before he had a chance to push the button again — and was finally able to retrieve his newspaper. He then became super happy, thanked me profusely, hopped in his truck — which was illegally parked — and drove away.

Definitely one of the stranger experiences I’ve had!