He Must Be On Jupiter Now

I’m a bank teller. A customer comes up and starts talking to me while I’m processing his transaction.

Customer: “You know, the Kennedy assassination was perpetrated by Martians. They’ve been controlling our government with mind-control devices from their spaceships that hide behind the moon. But there is a civil war happening on Mars, and the rebels are coming to save us. Their plan is to take as many humans as they can to colonize Jupiter before the Martian Army destroys Earth. I feel very strongly that you could be chosen to be saved, but your life is in danger by people who are being mind-controlled. Here, take this and carry it on your keychain to protect yourself.”

He handed me a pocket knife. Honestly, I really only took the knife so that he would have one less weapon at his disposal, but I ended up keeping it for several years. I only saw him four or five times over the course of a couple of weeks, and then he disappeared.