He Isn’t Getting Cirque Du So Laid

(I am witnessing my parents getting ready to go out for dinner on a date-night.)

Mum: “Honey, how do I look?”

Dad: “You’re so beautiful! Just as beautiful as when we met!”

Mum: “Don’t you think I should wear some make-up?”

Dad: “Oh, no, that makes you look like a clown!”

Mum: “Excuse me?”

Dad: “I mean, a beautiful clown… not that I’d fancy a clown; they’re actually quite scary. I don’t mean you’re scary; I’m just defending your natural beauty.”

Mum: “But what’s wrong with wearing some make-up to look better? All women do it.”

Dad: “But you’re not a woman.”

Mum: “What?!”

Dad: “I mean, you’re not like most women; they’re usually shallow and spoiled and—can we just pretend the last five minutes never happened?”

Mum: “You know what? We should just skip dinner!” *storms off*

Me: “What’s the problem with mum?”

Dad: *jokingly* “She’s in a bad mood because her circus performance got postponed.”

(Mum storms back, very agitated.)

Mum: “And now you’re turning them against me? What did I ever do to you?”

Dad: “Sorry dear, I’ve just realised you are a woman, after all.”

Mum: “Really? Why?”

Dad: “You’re insane!”