He Is Not Aligned With Reality

, , , | Right | September 8, 2020

A man comes in with several sheaves of paper, each seeming to be some kind of manual. He wants us to cut off a section at the bottom of each sheet, BETWEEN two lines of six-point text, and then bind each one.

Me: “Sir, I have to tell you that I can’t be sure that these will cut right.”

Customer: “What? Why not?”

Me: “You see, sir, the two lines of text you want us to cut between are very close together; the top page might look right, but other pages might have text cut off. And these pages are double-sided, which makes the likelihood of error even greater.”

Customer: “Why would that happen? The text is in the same place on every sheet!”

Me: “Sir, it may look that way to the naked eye, but no printer is that accurate.”

Customer: “I don’t understand; they’re perfectly aligned!”

Me: “Again, they may look aligned, but the cut that you want us to do has a margin of error of hundredths of an inch. If the printing is off by only a little bit — and it will be — the difference will be noticeable.”

Customer: “Well, then, just do one and I’ll see how it comes out!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but this job is going to take time, and we have other jobs ahead of you. If you want to leave it with us we can call you when it’s finished, but again, I can’t guarantee the quality.”

Customer: “I don’t want to leave it here! Why should I have to leave it here?”

Me: “We do our jobs in the order that they are received, sir.”

Customer: “Can’t you just call me when you’re done?”

Me: “What?”

Customer: “Yeah, just give me a call when you’re done with these jobs and then I’ll bring mine back!”

Me: “Sir, not only can I not guarantee when that will be, but we get in jobs all day; we can’t just save you a spot.”

Customer: “Why not?!”

By the way, what he wanted cut off of the documents was the copyright holder’s name, but not the notation that it was copywritten. The name was female.

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