He Has Beef With You

(An elderly man walks up to the toppings bar.)

Customer: “Excuse me. Miss?”

Me: “What can I help you with, sir?”

Customer: “Have you got anything with meat in it?”

(This is a frozen yogurt bar. We have various kinds of fruity and sweet yogurts and toppings. No one would usually expect to find meat anywhere.)

Me: “Um, no, sir. Sorry about that.”

Customer: “F****** vegans and vegetarians are taking over the whole f****** world! You haven’t got anything with some beef in it?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. That’s actually a kind of unusual request because this is basically dessert stuff.”

Customer: “I’m an American! I ain’t a vegetarian! I eat meat in my dessert because this is America, d*** it!”

(The customer throws his yogurt on the floor, making a huge mess. The next customer jumps out of the way, then resumes getting toppings while I clean.)

Customer #2: “Just when you think you’ve seen it all!”