He Doesn’t Understand The Cloud But His Mind Is Trapped There

My staff forwards a call to my office. There is a man on the other end who is already sounding upset and more than a little off. He keeps using my name as part of each statement, which becomes annoying really fast.

Caller: “Hello, [My Name]. Do you have Wi-Fi at your library?”

I am wondering why the staff didn’t tell him that we do.

Me: “Yes, of course, we have it. You just need to select our Wi-Fi on your laptop when you come in.”

Caller: “[My Name], do you have the cloud?”

Me: “We have it for the staff. You can’t store to our cloud, sir.”

Caller: “[My Name], you don’t understand. I need to understand how to use the cloud from your library to store my stuff.”

Me: “Sir, you cannot store your information on our computers or to ‘our’ cloud. It doesn’t work like that.”

Caller: “But I want to save it to your place, [My Name]. Do you understand how the cloud works?”

This starts a long, convoluted description that is definitely NOT how a cloud works.

Me: “Sir, I understand how the cloud works, but even if you had our password to get into it, it won’t follow you home on your computer.”

Caller: “Are you an actual reference librarian?”

Me: “Yes, I am, sir.”

Caller: “Well, you ought to be shot!” *Hangs up*

Weeks later, the same guy calls again, and again, he starts with my name. This time he is apparently on his meds and feeling jolly.

Caller: “Hi, [My Name]. I need to know how to get to your library!”

I think, “Oh, are you coming to shoot me now?”

Me: “Well, where are you coming from, sir?”

Caller: “Oh, just tell me where you are located.”

I give him the address.

Caller: “And how do I get there from where I am, [My Name]?”

Me: “Well, where are you coming from?”

Caller: “Just a general idea of how to get there, [My Name].”

I give him the general description for coming from one direction.

Caller: “That’s great, [My Name], but that doesn’t help me since I am coming from [City for which directions I gave would be helpful].”

Me: “I’m sorry; let me start again.”

I give the exact directions I gave before.

Caller: “Excellent! Is it busy right now?”

Me: “Not right now, but school hasn’t let out yet. If you’re looking for quiet, now is a good time to come in.”

I am thinking, “Please go anywhere else, because you are logic-challenged and reason-impaired.”

Caller: “Oh, it can’t be busy. No one goes to libraries anymore. You won’t have jobs soon. It’s so sad. Libraries are dying and no one goes to them anymore.”

I look out at the main hall where a dozen people are using computers.

Me: “Well, I would beg to differ, sir, but your mileage may vary.”

Caller: “No one uses libraries. They all have computers. I don’t know why we keep libraries open at all, do you?”

Me: “Because people without computers can use our free computers, and other people can take out free books and movies, and others bring their children here for programs and—”

Caller: “No, no. Libraries are completely abandoned by the public. It’s all based on tradition now.”

Me: “Sir, if there isn’t anything else, I have a lot of paperwork I am trying to fill out for all the nonexistent programming we offer to the nonexistent people coming in. Is there something else I can get for you? If you are coming in today, I will be glad to get whatever it is you need and have it waiting at the front desk.”

Caller: *Completely jovial* “Oh, no. I was planning to come in sometime in the next few days, but you will all be gone by then. Libraries are dying.”

Me: “Okay, sir. I have to go. You take care.”

Caller: “See you soon.”

Whoever he is, he hasn’t been in yet… and I still have a library to manage, so I guess we have been given a reprieve.