He Can Cook This In His Sleep

(My husband is a chef, and talks in his sleep. He’s asked me to make sure he’s awake when the alarm goes off in the morning.)

Me: “Wakey, wakey.”

Husband: “I’m awake.”

Me: “Prove it.”

Husband: “I’m thinking about shrimp and grits.”

Me: “I know you. That proves nothing.”

(Five minutes later:)

Me: “Wake up.”

Husband: “Give me a few more minutes. I’m getting the bathrooms together.”

Me: *laughing* “What?”

Husband: “Or they won’t let us open.”