He Abides And He Delights
Like many couples, my husband and I had a small “[Global Health Crisis] wedding” with plans to have a big vow renewal once things opened up safely. Naturally, we had to meet with the county registrar, which took place over Zoom. Amusingly, I was at the salon with my mom getting my hair highlighted at the time while [Husband] was with friends of ours, helping one of their uncles open and set up his pool for the summer.
The conversation was politely professional and somewhat formal, up until questions about our officiant came up.
Registrar: “All right, and who will be your officiant?”
Me: “[Friend’s Full Name]; he’s a friend of ours.”
Registrar: *Filling out the form* “And where is he ordained through?”
Husband: “Um, I think it’s called the Church of Dudeism or something like that?”
Registrar: *Gasping excitedly* “He’s a Dude?!”
Me: “Yeah, Church of the Dude.”
Registrar: “Oh, my God, I love that. A lot of non-religious folks are getting married by people ordained by the Church of the Dude, but this is my first time actually meeting anyone. Okay, what’s his official title?”
Husband: “Hmm, I’m actually not sure.”
Me: “Well, he’s there, right? If he’s not busy, can you just call him over real quick?”
Husband: *To [Registrar]* “Is that okay?”
Registrar: “Absolutely!”
Husband: *Calling off-screen* “Hey, [Friend], you got a sec? Wedding stuff.”
I heard [Friend]’s voice call back saying he’d be right over, and then he walked into view a few moments later. Now, [Friend] is 6’2” and about 320 pounds of pure Texas beef with a farmer’s tan. He has long, wavy brown hair that falls past his shoulders and was being worn loose, a bushy but clean and well-groomed beard, and round glasses with transition lenses that were in sunglass mode, and he was wearing a long beaded necklace with a wooden bear paw and a short-sleeved sky blue linen tunic his wife made.
As soon as he appeared on screen, the registrar began laughing hysterically, clapping her hands. [Husband] and I were a bit surprised. [Friend] just smiled as the delighted woman wiped tears from her eyes, catching her breath.
Registrar: *Wheezing* “I’m— I’m sorry, it’s just… I, I got this picture in my mind of what you might look like when they said ‘Church of Dudeism’, and then you walked out, and I was just like, ‘There he is! That’s the Dude!’”
Friend: *Smiling* “No worries, I get it.”
Registrar: *Composing herself* “Right, then. Sorry. Ah, so, what’s your official title?”
Friend: “I am a Dudeist Priest.”
The registrar lost it again. [Friend] just smiled good-naturedly the whole time (he really is a Dude), and we eventually got through the license process. Our poor registrar apologized again at the end of it, but we all assured her, “It’s cool. It’s cool.”
