HDMI 5 Is Not Alive

(There is a big thunderstorm that knocks out my cable. I try resetting my box and it gets nothing. I notice when I unplug and plug in the HDMI cable, the TV registers that there is a signal, but it doesn’t reappear. On a whim, I swap HDMI cords with my DVD player and both HDMI cables work perfectly! This is important for the story, because I have already tried it prior to calling and have told her that. At this point, we have already reset the box again and have been through checking the chords, twice. I have told her I only have HDMI 1 and 3 working about four times before this,)

Employee: “Can you go to HDMI 1.”

Me: “I am there, and I see no signal.”

Employee: “Go to HDMI 3.”

Me: “Still no signal.”

Employee: “Now HDMI 2.”

Me: *humoring her* “Nope. Nada.”

Employee: “Go to HDMI 5.”

Me: “I don’t have HDMI 5. I only have 1 and 3.”

Employee: “So, no HDMI 4?”

Me: “No. Just 1 and 3.”

Employee: “Well, check your HDMI cables again. It looks perfect on my end.”

Me: *thinking* “Yeah. The issue is your HDMI port…” *instead* “Okay. Everything looks fine.”

Employee: “And it still doesn’t work? Have you checked HDMI 1?”

(I realize this lady is not listening to me, and I predict her next steps. When she puts me on hold to “consult” with someone, I swap my HDMI cords and turn the DVD player on. I then wait for her to ask me to check.)

Employee: *returning* “Well, everything is giving a signal on my end. It must be your HDMI. Can you try making sure it is connected on both ends?”

Me: “Yeah.” *pause* “Still no signal.”

Employee: “Are you sure? Have you tried changing the inputs on your TV?”

Me: *pretends to* “Still not getting anything.”

Employee: “Have you checked all of them? Even HDMI 5?”

Me: *convinced she is punking me* “Yes. Nothing is giving a signal. But if I plug and unplug it, it is telling me that the TV senses the HDMI.”

Employee: “Hmm… It must be the HDMI cord. Are you sure you have the right HDMI?”

Me: “Yes. I only have two, ma’am. One is hooked up to the box and one to the DVD player.”

Employee: “Well, make sure you have the correct HDMI. Have you checked HDMI 5?”

Me: *fed up* “Look, it is not the HDMI cord. I have a DVD that is hooked up to HDMI 3. When I switch it to HDMI 1, the DVD player works. It is an issue with your cable box, not my HDMI cord.”

Employee: “Oh? You have a DVD player. Have you tried switching HDMI chords for the devices?”

Me: “Yes. Yes, I have.” *thinking* “Like I told you less than three seconds ago.”

Employee: “Well, that is strange… so strange… I think it is your HDMI.”

Me: “I promise you it is not. It is your box.”

Employee: *unconvinced* “Well… we can ship you a new box and have someone install it, but it could cost up to $75. Or you can pick up a new one.”

(Translation: “It is probably your fault and you can’t plug in a d*** HDMI cable.”)

Me: “I pick it up and install it myself, thanks. Can you please put the order in?”

Employee: *still unconvinced* “All right, but you have to tell them that it got damaged by the storm, you hear me? Tell them the storm is what damaged it.”

(And that is how it took me 30 minutes to order a new cable box, because the tech was so fixated on “HDMI 5” being the answer to all my problems. For the record, yes, it was NOT my HDMI cord that was the problem. The storm had fried the box.)