Having Trouble Exorcizing The Ex

(I get a hysterical phone call from a girlfriend of mine. I cannot make out what she is saying, just sobs. I rush over to her place and find her sitting on the floor drinking directly out of a nearly empty wine bottle. At this point she is quite drunk.)

Me: “Oh, my god, are you okay?”

Friend: “Yep. I’ve decided to become a lesbian. There’s no hope for me to find a man. None. Nada. Zilch.”

Me: “I don’t think a person just decides to become a lesbian. What brought this on?”

(She waved the bottle towards her computer screen. I went over and looked at it. It was one of those find your soul-mate/perfect match based-on-science dating sites. Her #1 100% match was her slime ball, cheating ex-husband. I did the only thing a good friend could do at a time like that… I fished out the 1/2 gallon of cookies and cream ice cream, grabbed two spoons, and joined her on the floor.)