Having A Calvin-Ballin’ Time

| Working | May 9, 2017

(Some coworkers and I are playing a lively game of tabletop-Calvinball, i.e. you use whatever’s on hand and the only rules are what you make up on the spot. In our case, the only solid rule is that you have to find someone to take your place when your break ends, because we’re trying to keep the game going as long as possible. For ill-defined reasons, we decide that I’ve lost this round and have to sit out for a few minutes. As I’m standing back watching, the manager comes in and stares at the table, which is covered in a wide variety of lunch- and coffee-related accessories.)

Coworker #1: “I invoke Fizzgig! I summon five belpers to my spaceship.” *he places five sugar packets on a saucer* “And since it’s Wednesday, the Almighty Fizzgig lets me use the wormhole to teleport behind enemy lines!”

(He places the saucer on top of a coffee cup and moves the cup to the other side of the table, behind Coworker #2’s army of Oreos. Coworker #2 studies this development carefully, glances at the clock, and smiles.)

Coworker #2: “It may be Wednesday, but it’s also only 11. Fizzgig’s not a morning person; you have to be careful when invoking him before noon. Normally, a morning invocation would allow me a full retaliation, but since it’s Wednesday, I’m only allowed a class two counteract. Wormholes are worth three quantum oxenfrees, so I sacrifice three vininins—” *he eats three of his Oreos* “—and that gives me the strength to counteract your wormhole—” *he places the saucer on the table and takes the cup away* “—leaving your belpers surrounded and unable to retreat!”

(Coworker #1 goes pale at this turn of events, the audience ‘oohs’ and ‘ahhs,’ and the manager turns to me in utter befuddlement.)

Manager: “Am I having a stroke?”

(We managed to keep the game going for six more hours, and for no particular reason, the winner was Betty White.)

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