Have You Ever Sausage A Bad Vegan Before?

(I’m a manager at a new pizza franchise in town. On a busy afternoon, we’re sending out every delivery driver we have and trying to call more of them in to handle the workload. During the rush, an employee tells me that a customer on the phone has demanded to speak to a manager.)

Me: “Hello, sorry for the wait. What seems to be the trouble?”

Customer: “MY PIZZA HAD SAUSAGE ON IT!”

Me: “Oh? Can I get your name so I can pull up the order?”

Customer: “It’s [Customer]. We didn’t order sausage; we’re vegan!”

Me: *pulling up the info* “Oh, no! That’s terrible. Let me just see what you ordered, and if you like, I can have a new pizza out to you shortly. Our policy states that you’d just need to hand over the erroneous pizza when the delivery driver gets there.”

Customer: “Well, we ate the whole thing! How am I supposed to return it now?!”

Me: “You ate the…”

(I’m wondering why they’d have eaten an entire large pizza if it was topped with meat that they couldn’t have, when I see the woman’s order in our system. She had specifically asked for sausage as a topping.)

Me: “Well, ma’am, our system indicates that you ordered sausage as one of your toppings. Is it possible the cashier misheard your order?”

Customer: “No… I ordered sausage.”

Me: “I see. Well, ma’am, if you ordered sausage, and ate the whole pizza, I’m afraid I can’t refund your money or give you a free pizza. I can make a note that you’re to get 10% off your next order, if you like, but unfortunately that’s the most I can do.”

Customer: “What?! But it was meat! We can’t have meat!”

Me: “I understand that, but you ordered the sausage AND ate the whole pizza.”

Customer: “Because we were hungry!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but there isn’t anything more I can do for you. You’re welcome to speak to the business owner, though. He’ll be here [Date and Time] if you’d like to file a complaint.”

Customer: “FINE!” *disconnects*

(The boss ended up giving the customer a $5 off coupon instead of the 10% off option I offered, but that’s it. I’m still not sure what the customer expected when she ordered a mushroom and sausage pizza…)