Have Barcode, Will Scan

(I am helping my friend out at the grocery store she works at, with the manager’s permission. She’s stuck a barcode from an orange on my t-shirt, and it’s refusing to come off.)

Customer: *places three individual grapes on the conveyor belt*

Employee friend: “Sir, where are your groceries?”

Customer: “These are my groceries.”

Me: “Sir, you’ve only got three grapes.”

Customer: “Yes, those are my groceries.”

Employee friend: “Will that be all, sir?”

Customer: “No, how much is she?” *points to me*

Me: “Come again?”

Employee friend: “Sir, I’m not sure what you mean.”

Customer: “Your friend, the one not wearing the uniform. How much does she cost?”

Me: “Sir, I’m not for sale.”

Customer: “Well, do you work here?”

Me: “Well, no, not technically.”

Customer: “Are you shopping here?”

Me: “Um, no. But–”

Customer: “Well, then, why are you here?”

Me: “I’m helping my friends out.”

Customer: “But you have a barcode sticker on you.”

Me: “Well, yes, sir. That was a joke.”

Customer: “Well, that’s false advertisement.”

Employee friend: “I’m pretty sure that isn’t-”

Customer: “I’m going to need to speak with your manager!”