Hashpocalypse Now

(I’m working the breakfast shift when a man comes in with his children who look about five or six. He orders a large amount of food.)

Customer: “And can I get… four hash browns with that?”

Me: “Certainly.”

(I type in the total and show it to him.)

Customer: “What? $4.80? Are you kidding?”

Me: “That’s how much it is.”

Customer: “No way! That’s too expensive! I can’t justify that. Get rid of them!”

(I cancel the last item while the customer continues ranting.)

Customer: “It’s also the fact that they’re just hot oil! I can’t give my kids that poison!”

Me: “What?”

Customer: “This whole place is poison! All of it! You know the cancer charities you guys set up? Your food is causing the cancer that those kids are dying from!”

Me: “Uh…”

Customer: “You’re poisoning people! Poisoning my kids! Working here, you kill more people a year than smoking!”

Me: “Really?”

Customer: *mimicking me* “‘Really?’ Why don’t you do some bloody research before you start a job, girl?!”

Me: *speechless*

Customer: “This whole place is evil! You should have a freaking skull and crossbones out the front! I can’t justify buying hash browns and poisoning my kids!” *leaves with his kids and his food, minus the evil hash browns*