Has To Work Through Fire And Water Before You Go Home

(My coworker is known for attempting to leave work early whenever possible. We are civil, but not particularly friendly, towards one another because she tends to stir up trouble on purpose. This particular Friday, she would like to leave at noon, but my boss has already refused her request to leave early.)

Coworker: “Oh, my gosh! [My Name]’s office is on fire! I can see smoke coming from the outlet! Let’s go! Everyone out! Call the fire department!”

Me: “WAIT! It’s just water vapor from my humidifier, see?”

Coworker: “Oh. Well, I’ve never seen that before, so how should I know?”

Me: “You could have asked?”

Boss: “Give it up; even if we had evacuated the building I would have made you stand in cold and rain while we waited for the ‘all clear’ to return.”

(After about an hour, my coworker begins to “sniff” loudly in her office. Three minutes later, she emerges and begins to address my boss and coworkers.)

Coworker: “Is anyone else bothered by that scent? I can’t stand that smell. What is it? [My Name], are you diffusing oils in your office with that humidity thingy? I can’t stand that smell. I have such a headache. My migraine is kicking in. Any time I smell oils, my migraine starts up. Oh, no! I’m out of medication! I’m going to have a migraine, but I have no medicine! What am I going to do?!”

Me: “No, it’s just a humidifier. It’s literally just tap water in a vaporized form. Anyway, I’m sensitive to strong scents as well, so I don’t bring anything scented into the office.”

Boss: “GO. SIT. DOWN! You’re being paid to work, not to cause problems!”

(My coworker returned to her office with a huff, but sat there quietly for the rest of the day. I’m not sure if she actually worked, but she stopped causing problems and certainly didn’t leave early!)