Has Some Hangups About The Belch

(It’s the mid 90s, I’m about 15 years old, and my brother is in his early 20s. My brother gives me a comic that he found. It is the #1 issue of “The Man of Steel,” and he’s convinced that he is gifting me something that is worth hundreds – possibly thousands – of dollars. There’s only one comic book store in town, and he thinks I should call them and see if they are willing to buy it since I really could use the money. I pick up the phone after looking up the number, but as soon as I go to dial, my brother takes the phone from me and says that HE should call, since the comic shop will not want to “talk to a kid.” He dials the number and I can hear the phone ringing in the earpiece from where I’m sitting.)

Employee: “[Comic and Coin Shop], how can I help you?”

(My brother, at that very moment, tries to hold in a loud burp that springs up from the depths of the pit he calls a stomach. However, all he manages to do is slightly muffle the brunt of the guttural explosion, puffing up his cheeks, and making a disgustingly wet, rasping, and hissing noise right into the microphone. Then he tries to carry on with the phone call, as if he didn’t just electronically belch in the guy’s ear, and waves his free hand in a “hang on a second” gesture as if the man was able to see it.)

Brother: “Yeah, we, w- we, we, we, wa-w-w-wait, wait, wait—”

(Somehow, he manages one more belch. Then there’s silence.)

Brother: *looking angry and genuinely confused at the same time, looks at the handset* “He hung up on me.”

Me: “You f******* think so?”

(After some hard laughter on my part, I called the comic store myself, and found out the comic was worth about $10. To this day I can’t tell — or even write — this story without laughing. I don’t think I’ll ever sell that comic.)