Has No Power To Combat Such Stupidity

I work for an energy company whilst searching for work to do with my degree, which is in mathematics and statistics. It’s ten minutes before closing time and by this point, I just want to get pyjamas on and sleep. A woman calls.

Caller:
“I need my electricity back on.”

Me:
“Okay, I’ll have a look into that for you.”

The moment her details load up, I see what is wrong. She has not paid a bill in five months and is £700+ in debt. I check notes and she has had letters/emails/texts — the whole shebang — to tell her she will be cut off if she does not make a payment.

Me:
“Okay, I can see what is going on. It is showing here that you have not made a payment in five months and you are over £700 in debt. You have been sent confirmation of this—”

Caller:
“What do you mean, I am in debt? I have been away visiting friends and when I am away visiting we do not need to pay as we are not using anything.”

This isn’t untrue, but it’s not wholly true, either. We are allowed to refund a certain amount only if there are less than ten units of usage. This woman is showing over two-hundred, so she is getting nothing.

Me:
“Well, I’m afraid to tell you that someone has been using your fuel in the time and every bill is accurate. Due to the high usage, I cannot refund you.”

Caller:
“Excuse me? I have just told you I have been visiting friends and I have not been at home to use it. I want my money back.”

Me:
“Firstly, I cannot refund something that has not been paid in the first place. And someone has been using your fuel, so someone is on your property.”

Caller:
“Oh, yes, my husband and son are in the house, but as it’s in my name and I was not at home, why should I have to pay?”

Me:
“You have to pay because it is your house, and your house has had the usage. I cannot turn your electricity back on without a payment of some form.”

Caller:
“Well, I am not paying for something that I did not use and also I am not getting!”

Me:
“I apologise for this, but I am afraid I cannot do anything without a payment. I would be willing to set up a payment plan if you wish to clear the balance—”

Caller:
“Are you listening to me? I said I am not paying for something I did not use and I am not getting.”

Me:
“I’m afraid I cannot do anything for you, nor can anyone else. You cannot get five months of free electricity, even if you were not at the property in that time.”

Caller:
“Listen here, you incompetent nuisance. I know how bills work. I work for a very feared insurance company called [Company] and I also have a degree in mathematics, which I am sure you are too stupid to understand.”

I am furious and 100% done with her. I decide to kill her with kindness.

Me:
“Oh, really? Where did you study? I just graduated last month with that degree alongside statistics—”

Caller:
“Stop lying to me; only school dropouts work in call centres.”

Okay, no more Mrs. Nice Lady from me.

Me:
“Okay, if you honestly think you are better than me, answer one question for me.”

Caller:
“How dare you speak to me like that?! I will be filing a complaint against you for that. But since you are an idiot, I will answer.”

Me:
“What is the definition of a degree of a polynomial?”

Anyone who works in or has studied maths further will know this.

Caller:
“Excuse me? I do not speak gibberish.”

Me:
“I asked what the definition of a degree of a polynomial is.”

Caller:
“There is no such thing! I would have heard about that, and how dare you waste my time?! I will be filing a complaint and writing to corporate about you. Goodbye, you insolent b****!”

Then, she hung up. Since I’m a salty git, I Googled the name of the firm she supposedly works at. It’s a bakery.