Has No ID-ea It’s Christmas

(Every year, my county holds a holiday gift drive to benefit local needy kids and families who otherwise wouldn’t get much for Christmas. The event relies entirely on donations from local businesses and individual citizens. The “staff” are all volunteers. One year, my mother and another volunteer are manning the check-in table where people came to pick up their gifts. Due to past impersonation and theft problems, it is standard procedure to check everyone’s ID. A middle-aged woman approaches the check-in table to pick up her gifts.)

Volunteer: “Good morning! I need to see your photo ID, and then we’ll get one of our ‘elves’ to bring out your bag.”

Lady: *huffs as she hands over her driver’s license*

Volunteer: *verifies ID matches the list* “All right, here comes your ‘elf’ to escort you through Santa’s Workshop to pick out a couple of additional toys. Merry Christmas!”

(The lady grunts and follows the “elf” who’s brought out her bag of gifts. The volunteer turns her attention to the next person in line. Not long after, the lady returns. She is obviously angry and starts shouting.)

Lady: “YOU STOLE MY DRIVER’S LICENSE! GIVE IT BACK, YOU B****! I SHOULD HAVE YOU ALL FIRED!”

Volunteer: *shocked* “Ma’am, I gave your ID back to you. Are you sure it’s not in your purse?”

Lady: “OF COURSE I’M SURE! I DON’T HAVE IT! YOU SHOULDN’T BE CHECKIN’ FOLKS’ ID, ANYWAY! IT’S DISCRIMINATION ‘CAUSE I’M BLACK! YOU’RE ALL RACIST AND STOLE MY ID!”

Volunteer: “Ma’am, I—“

Lady: “YOU OWE ME A REPLACEMENT! YOU STOLE MY ID AND NOW NEED A NEW ONE!”

Volunteer: *shakily hands over $20 to cover the driver’s license replacement fee*

(The infuriated lady snatched the money from her and flounced out of the building, muttering about thieves. Later that day, a relative of hers came to pick up their own bag of gifts. While chatting, the relative mentioned that the angry lady had found her ID in the bottom of her purse. As a result of this incident, a new policy was put in place: volunteers are absolutely not allowed to touch peoples’ ID’s.)