Has An Intolerance For Those With An Intolerance

(I stop in to a cafe on the way to work. On their board they state milk options as “Regular, skim, lactose-free, soy, and almond.” I always order the same thing, every morning, without issue. Today I see a new face at the register.)

Me: “Can I get a small cappuccino with lactose-free milk, please?”

Cashier: “Just to let you know, lactose-free milk is cow’s milk.”

Me: “I know.”

Cashier: “It’s not vegan suitable.”

Me: “I’m not vegan.”

Cashier: “So, regular milk?”

Me: “No, lactose-free.”

Cashier: “It’s a 20c surcharge.”

Me: “I know.”

Cashier: “Are you sure? It’s pretty much the same as regular milk.”

Me: “I’m very sure.”

(I pay, give my name, then stand and wait. I see the usual barista come over to the cashier and say something, and I hear:)

Barista: “No, no, she’s always lactose-free milk.” *looks up at me* “The usual? Yeah?”

Me: “Yes.”

Barista: *turns back to the cashier* “Always note down the correct milk they request, especially if you’ve charged them the surcharge!”

(I’ve decided that if he tries to give me regular again, I’m going to give him a lengthy explanation of IBS. I’m sure he will enjoy that at 8:00 in the morning.)