Harry Potter And The Effects Of Climate Change

(I’m standing at the ticket stand in front of our biggest theater, which is currently playing “Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets.” The movie is going full swing, so the halls are pretty quiet. For some reason, my eyes and throat are irritating me.)

Customer: *comes out of the theater* “Hey, I was wondering if you guys could turn down the smoke machine.”

Me: “Smoke machine?”

Customer: “Yeah, it’s a really neat effect, but there’s too much smoke and it’s hurting our eyes.”

Me: “We don’t have a smoke machine.”

(I flagged down the manager and we checked it out. Somebody had vandalized the fire extinguisher in the theater, puncturing it, so it was slowly leaking CO2. By an amazing coincidence, it reached the point where it was noticeable in the dark at exactly the same time Ron and Harry enter the mist-filled Forbidden Forest, so nobody realized what it was. We had to evacuate the theater, refund all the tickets, and close down our biggest theater. I got to finish my shift standing just close enough to the disaster to further irritate my eyes and throat.)