Hard Rules On Soft Drinks

Professor: “Welcome to [class]. I see that some of you have taken my classes before and some of you haven’t. For those of you who haven’t taken my class before, you’ll like to know that class is over as soon as I finish drinking my soda.”

(The professor gestures to his enormous branded cup. A student comes in late and sits down quickly with her full coffee cup. The professor notices…)

Professor: “Ahem. I believe you’re aware of the sign on the door that says ‘no food or drink in the classrooms,’ yes?”

Student: “Oh. Sorry!”

(The student gets up and does a walk of shame to the garbage can to throw away her drink. Right before she throws it away…)

Professor: “Just kidding! That just shows you not to be late for my class. You can keep your drink.”

(The professor takes a big swig of his drink as another student comes in late.)

Professor: “…and that’s all I’m going to tell you about your final. I hope you all took good notes because I’m not going to tell you again! And no sharing your notes with anyone either!”

(A classmate leans over to whisper to me.)

Classmate: “I think the first day of class is his favorite.”