Hamster Philosophy

(I’m the employee in this story. I work in the floral department of a large grocery store. It’s closing time and the end of my shift, so I’m a little slap-happy. There’s a group of three customers browsing my department and one of them picks out some flowers and brings them to me to wrap. While I’m helping her, her friends are goofing around with various stuff around the department and generally being silly and trying to get a reaction out of her while she rolls her eyes and ignores them. One of them comes over with a tiny plush hamster and shoves it in her face.)

Friend #1: *in a squeaky voice* “Hi! How are you? What’s going on?”

Customer: “I don’t know these people.”

Friend #2: “Hey, do you have any tape so I can tape this balloon to my chest?”

Me: “You have to buy it if you want to wear it.”

Friend #1: *still messing with the hamster* “Hiii!”

(He gives up and sets it down on the counter. I finish wrapping the flowers and pick up the hamster.)

Me: *in the same squeaky voice* “Life is meaningless!”

(All three customers stare at me like I’ve grown a second head and then burst out laughing.)

Customer: “Oh, my god! You have to come with us. We’re going to get cocktails after this. You have to come. You’re getting off right now, right?”

Me: “I am, but I have to go home. I open tomorrow.”

Customer: “Just for a beer! Come on, giiiirl!”

(I laugh and refuse again, and they thank me for helping them and don’t press the matter, but thank you, awesome customers, for laughing at my weirdness instead of complaining to a manager!)