Hamming It Up Over Other People’s Religions

, , , , | Right | December 25, 2018

(I work in the deli of a big box store. They are pushing Christmas by having employees wear hats with antlers that say, “Rock Christmas.”)

Customer #1: “Why don’t you have one of those cute hats on?”

Me: “I don’t celebrate Christmas, so I don’t want to wear one. What can I get you?”

Customer #1: *mumbling something then straightening up* “What does your tavern ham taste like?”

Me: “Honestly, I don’t eat ham, so I couldn’t tell you, but I would be more than happy to slice you off a piece to sample.”

Customer #1: “How can you work in a deli and not eat ham?!”

Me: “It’s against my religion. Like I said, I can slice you a sample.”

Customer #1: “YOU DON’T CELEBRATE CHRISTMAS AND HAM IS AGAINST YOUR RELIGION?! HOW CAN THEY HIRE PEOPLE LIKE YOU? THIS IS AN ATTACK ON CHRISTIANITY! I’M GOING TO COMPLAIN ABOUT YOU!”

([Customer #1] stomps off.)

Me: *to [Customer #2]* “Okay, then. Hi! What can I do for you?”

Customer #2: “Ignore her. Ham is against my religion, too. Can I get turkey?”

Me: “Sure! But I’ll warn you, I know both meat slicers have had ham on them in the last half hour. If you have ten minutes to shop, I can get one of them washed and sanitized and get your order ready for you.”

Customer #2: “No problem. I’m just going to go see if I can beat that hag up to customer service and let someone know how accommodating you are!”

Me: “Thank you!” *to [Customer #3]* “Can I get you something?”

Customer #3: “Actually, I’m also going to customer service real quick. I celebrate Christmas and want to get ham, but you need to be nominated for employee of the month.”

Me: *after walking in the back* “VIVA LA REVOLUTION!”

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