Ham-Fisted Attempts

(I’m in the office fixing a sandwich for lunch in the break room. A coworker walks in on me.)

Coworker: “You know, spreading mustard on every inch of the bread like that could a sign of obsessive behavior.”

Me: “Yes, I know.”

Coworker: “Just wanted to make sure you were aware. I do it, too. Also, do you know you missed a spot?”

Me: *pause* “I will take this entire container of ham, and shove it down your throat.”