Halloween Has-Been

(A friend of mine is known for really hamming it up during the Halloween season. Two of his trademarks are a cackling laugh and a deathly vocal tone that manages to skirt the boundaries between comical and genuinely pants-wettingly terrifying. We’re walking through a haunted house, which also features cameras that will record when the costumed actors jump out to scare you so everyone can see your reaction. Being a veteran of such attractions, my friend is on the lookout for the cameras and, upon seeing one, proceeds to let loose with his maniacal laughter while cutting a very psychotic facial expression. Later we’re at the booth where one can watch the recordings and we see the playback of him looking just as frightening as the actors around him. There are two women standing in front of us watching the screen.)

Woman: “Well, I’m certainly glad that guy was nowhere near us while we were in there. I was scared enough without worrying about someone like him stalking me.”

(My friend is unable to help himself.)

Friend: *in his best scary voice* “How do you know I’m not? AH HA HA HA HA HA!”

(Both women promptly turn, scream, and run for the exit.)

Friend: “I swear, my work place would be so much more pleasant if they’d let me use that on actual customers.”