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Hailing Frequencies Open But Nobody’s Home, Part 2

, , , , , , | Right | November 22, 2021

It is the summer of 1990, between the third and fourth seasons of “Star Trek: The Next Generation”. I’m walking through the parking lot of a local shopping center when a man comes bolting out of one of the stores, followed by a security guard. Another security guard, who was patrolling the parking lot, joins in the chase.

The man they are chasing is running frantically across the lot, trying to get away. Every few seconds, he slaps his upper left chest with his right hand and yells out:

Customer: “Scotty! Beam me up! Scotty! Beam me up!”

Each one becomes a more and more urgent call as the guards close in on him.

Customer: “Scotty, beam me up. SCOTTY, BEAM ME UP! Scotty, HURRY, beam me up. Beam up now! D*** it, Scotty, where are you? Beam me up NOW!”

He runs past me, around a row of cars, with the guards closing in on him. As he gets to the other side of the row, he stands still, positions himself as though he’s preparing for “beam out”, and one last time, desperately slaps his “Communicator” and calls out:

Customer: “Scotty! Lock in on me and beam me up NOW! HURRY!”

The two guards catch up with him, grab him, and lead him back to the store. As they pass me, I can’t resist.

Me: “Hey, buddy! You know why Scotty didn’t beam you up?”

He looks at me, apparently anxious to hear the explanation.

Me: “You were using the wrong communicator type. You were using The Next Generation chest-badge type; Scotty uses the flip-open communicator!”

The man exasperatedly throws his head back.

Customer: “Oh, man!”

The two security guards and I cracked up laughing as they led him off back to the store!

Hailing Frequencies Open But Nobody’s Home

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