H2-Woes

, , , | Right | February 10, 2019

(I am working in the back of a pharmacy. A coworker who is on the front comes in to ask a question.)

Coworker: “What ointments don’t have dihydrogen monoxide?”

Me: “Don’t have what?”

Coworker: “Dihydrogen monoxide. A customer says she deathly allergic to it.”

(Humoured by the statement and assuming it’s a joke, I follow [Coworker] out.)

Me: “Sorry, what was your query?”

Customer: *sighs* “What creams don’t have dihydrogen monoxide? I’m so allergic to it that even the slightest touch could kill me.”

Me: “Umm, is this a joke?”

Customer: “Absolutely not! How dare you?!”

Me: “It’s just that dihydrogen monoxide is water, like the bottle of Vittel in your hand.”

Customer: “No, I am allergic to dihydrogen monoxide, and I need a cream that doesn’t have it.”

Me: “Do you know what water is also expressed as? H2–”

Customer: “–H2O. Yes, I know that.”

Me: “And that means water is made of two hydrogen atoms and one oxygen?”

Customer: “I don’t see how this has anything to do with—“

Me: “Two hydrogen, di — Dihydrogen. And one oxygen, mono — monoxide. Water and dihydrogen monoxide are literally the same thing.”

Customer: *blank look*

Me: “For all I know, you could have an allergy to water, but since that is rare and you didn’t know that they were the same, I’m assuming you don’t?”

Customer: “This is ridiculous. I am allergic to dihydrogen monoxide, and if you can provide me with cream that doesn’t have it, I will find somewhere that does!” *storms out*

Me: “Good luck with that!”

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