Gul Du-Splat

(I’m working alone in a small pet store. It’s about 20 minutes before we close. A woman barges in holding a large cardboard box, a wild look in her eyes.)

Me: “Hello, ma’am. Is everything okay?”

Woman: “You have to help me! I found a seagull in the parking lot, and I think its wing might be broken!”

Me: “Oh. Well, I’m not sure what I can do to… Wait, is it in the box you’re holding?”

Woman: “Yes! Can you take a look at him?”

Me: “Ma’am, please keep him in the—”

(Before I can finish, she pulls the seagull out of the box. Understandably scared, it starts flapping its damaged wing, and blood spurts all over me, our displays, and the floor.)

Me: “PLEASE PUT HIM BACK IN THE BOX! I’m not a vet! I’d recommend you take it to an emergency room! Try [Nearby Vet Clinic]; I know they do emergency walk-ins!”

Woman: “ARE YOU SERIOUS?! Hmmph! I assumed you’d care about animals!”

(She stuffed the seagull back in the box and ran out of the store. I ended up staying almost 45 minutes past closing to clean and disinfect the entire front end of the store. I hope the poor seagull ended up okay!)