Grumpy Grandma Gripes Over Girl’s Goggles

(I work at my local pool as a lifeguard. During this rotation I’m in charge of the slide. I notice a little girl about to go down with goggles on; we don’t allow kids to wear goggles on the slide.)

Me: *to the little girl* “Sweetie, could you take off your goggles?”

Little Girl: “Okay!”

(She goes down and doggie paddles slowly to the exit stairs as she speaks to her grandmother.)

Grandmother: *to little girl* “Hey, [Little Girl], where are your goggles?”

Little Girl: “The lifeguard said I couldn’t wear them.”

Grandmother: “Well, that’s outrageous.” *to me* “Why can’t she wear goggles?”

Me: “The slide makes the rider go too fast for the goggles to stay on, which causes them to fall to the bottom of the diving well. Then, I have to go get them.”

Grandmother: “That’s nonsense! You cater to us; it’s in your job description. Let the people have a fun time.”

Me: “Actually, my job is patron surveillance, not aquatic party planner.”

Grandmother: *storms up the stairs to the slide* “I’ll prove these things won’t fall off.” *goes down slide, and the goggles fall off*

(Pause.)

Grandmother: “Would you get that for me?”