Grinders And Parties And Breasts, Oh My!

(I work in a pizza and sandwich shop in a small grocery store chain. I’m reminded every day that the town my store is in has a collective total of about fifteen brain cells. Here are just a few of the gems I hear on a regular basis.)

Customer: “How long is your thirty-inch grinder?”

Me: “It’s thirty inches long, just as the sign says.”

Customer: “But on the bottom of the sign it says, “It’s like getting five six-inch grinders!” That doesn’t add up right.”

Me: “No, five times six is thirty.”

(Another frighteningly frequent one: I am on the phone with the customer:)

Me: “What can I get for you today?”

Customer: “Can I get a large pizza with [toppings]?”

Me: “Sure, no problem. We’ll see you in fifteen minutes.”

(My store only does two sizes of pizza, large, and party size. The large is a standard eighteen-inch round pizza. The party size is a large rectangular pizza that serves about ten people. The customer shows up to get her pizza.)

Customer: “This isn’t what I ordered. This is the wrong size. I wanted a large pizza.”

Me: “This is our large pizza.”

Customer: “No I wanted the big one for parties! You screwed my order up!”

Me: “You mean the party pizza. The pizza for parties.”

(And another that I got in trouble for, for making the joke the first time it happened.  A customer comes up to the sandwich shop register:)

Customer: “I want three drumsticks, please.”

Me: “Sure, no problem. Let me grab them for you.”

(I walk over to the fried chicken case and grab a bag, and notice the customer has followed me over there.)

Customer: *pointing at the drumsticks through the glass* “It’s those ones right there.”

Me: *picks up a breast with my tongs* “You mean it’s not these ones?”

(The customer demanded to see the manager. I got yelled at for being rude, to appease the customer, then got praised for the good joke and told not to do it again.)