Greeting Perverted, Disaster Averted

(I work in a call centre, and it’s pretty quiet, so my colleagues and I are chatting. We’re discussing how no-one really listens to our greetings, and then move onto the subject of lying. Suddenly, I get a call come through.)

Me: “Hi, welcome to [store]. How can I lie to you today?”

(I go white as I realise what I just said. My colleagues look on in shock.)

Customer: “Hi there, I found some vouchers at the back of the drawer and they expired. Can you help?”

(I get the vouchers updated, and I secretly add a few more because I felt so bad about what I just said.)

Customer: “By the way, that’s the most awesome greeting.” *chuckles*

Me: “I’m so sorry! It sort of slipped out!”

Customer: “Don’t worry love; it’s fine. Have a good day, but try not to tell porkies (lies) now!”

Colleague #1: “Did they say anything?”

Me: “Yeah, but she laughed at it.”

Colleague #2: “B***** h***! People do listen!”