Gravity, The Universal Mood Killer, Part 3

(I work at a store that sells area rugs. We take a fair amount of phone calls from people who have questions regarding area rugs.)

Me: “[Store], this is [My Name].”

Caller: “Hello? I have a question. Can you help me?”

Me: “Of course, what is your question?”

Caller: “I can’t get it to stay up!”

Me: “Oh… um… okay. What do you mean?”

Customer: “My area rug! It’s old and I love it, but recently I can’t get it to stay up. The… what are they called? Fibers? They are all crushed and won’t stay up!”

Me: “Oh, I see.”

Customer: “I’ve been vacuuming it non-stop on all the different settings. It’s not as stiff and thick as it used to be. No matter how hard I suck, it just won’t stay up!”

Me: *trying to stay composed* “Alright, well that does tend to happen with age. Rugs tend to get pile-crushing after long periods of heavy traffic.”

Customer: “So, you’re telling me I can’t get it up because it’s old?!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, that is exactly what I’m telling you.”

(I manage to keep it together for the rest of the conversation. However, my manager, who can hear the entire exchange, is cracking up next to me the entire time. The innuendo was much thicker than her rug!)