Grave Miscommunication

Years ago, when I was at university in Sweden, I also worked extra at the police station, handling non-emergency calls (this job was relevant to my education). It was mostly people who wanted to report a crime after the fact, think: “My wallet was stolen at the bus stop yesterday” or “This guy at the pub punched me in the face last night so I want to report him” (some people just shake things off and decide to deal with it in the morning, you know…).

It was truly a job where you talked to all kinds of people, because people call the police for all kinds of things (one time, my colleague received a call from a guy who was very polite but just wanted to ask the police if it was normal that his garden had an unusually large number of spiders this spring… ).

Anyway.

Sometimes people call in to inform about something that hasn’t happened to them personally, but maybe something they’ve seen (either confirmed crimes, or suspicions which can be written up as tips for the local police to possibly investigate).

The way most calls go is the caller starts with a summary of the reason for their call (like the examples above), and I then ask them to explain in detail the whole story from start to finish. It’s much easier to hear their story, in their words, from start to finish and then ask follow-up questions, rather than start blind with detailed questions. This was the standard routine.

Me: “This is the police, you’re speaking to [My Name], how can I help?”

Caller: “I want to report that I’ve seen a crime!”

Me: “Certainly. Tell me what you’ve seen and where, start from the beginning.”

Caller: “There was a break-in at the cemetery.”

This gives me pause because the cemetery is (in all cases I can think of) a public, open place, and you can’t technically BREAK IN to the cemetery. But as usual, I just think that I will ask them to explain in detail what happened, and this will make me understand what they mean.

Me: “I see. Well, I will certainly help you. Would you please explain to me what you’ve seen?”

Caller: “As I said, there was a break-in at the cemetery.”

Me: “Okay, which cemetery are we talking about, and can you explain how you know this? What have you observed? Tell me the story.”

Caller: *Gives me the address, and I look it up while they continue talking.* “And well, I can see there has been a break in.”

Me: “Just start the story from the beginning. Tell me what you’ve seen.”

Caller: *Increasingly frustrated.* “I’ve TOLD you, there was a break-in at the cemetery.”

Me: “Right, I understand.” *A lie.* “But just to make sure I get the correct details down, can you just explain to me what you’ve observed in detail to ensure we’re able to investigate. You were maybe… walking past, and… saw damage?”

Caller: “Yes, I’ve walked past, and I can see there has been a break-in!”

Me: “Right… Do you mean some kind of building, maybe the church itself?”

Caller: “NO, there was a BREAK IN at the CEMETERY!”

Me: “…are we talking about a grave? Some kind of … crypt, that was broken into?

Caller: “NO! THERE WAS BREAK IN AT THE CEMETERY. WHY DON’T YOU LISTEN?!

Me: “Where have you seen damage?

Caller: “ON THE CAR DOORS!

Me: *Pause.* “…On the …car doors?”

Caller: “YES, OH MY GOD, WHY DON’T YOU UNDERSTAND THERE ARE DAMAGES ON THE CARS! SOMEONE BROKE INTO THEM!”

Me: “OOOOH, I see, you’ve seen cars that are parked in the cemetery parking lot, and it looks like they were broken into?”

Caller: “YES FINALLY JESUS CHRIST YOU ARE SO INCOMPETENT I WILL HANG UP AND CALL AGAIN AND GET HELP FROM SOMEONE ELSE!” *Click.*