Grassroots Crime Wave

I’m a policeman. My colleague is getting a call from our dispatcher. After:

Colleague: “Drive us to [Address] in [Village] for… uh… [uses the code for a stolen vehicle]. It just happened.”

Me: “If it just happened, why do you not sound very concerned?

Colleague: “The vehicle stolen was a lawnmower.”

Me: “Okay?”

Colleague: “Dispatch is still on the phone with the caller. He’s… uh… in pursuit of the thief. On foot.”

Me: “Oh.”

We drove for five minutes to see an old man driving down the street on a sit-down lawnmower, looking angry. Behind him was another old man, on the phone to 999 (our 911), walking ‘in pursuit’ of the guy who had stolen his lawnmower.

What added to the comedy of this ‘high-speed pursuit’ was that the old man who called in the theft was also walking his slow old dog.

Turned out the old geezer on the lawnmower was a village neighbor who wanted to borrow the lawnmower and wouldn’t take no for an answer, so it was resolved quickly, but that image of the ‘road chase’ will forever be in my mind.