Granny Get Your (Grandson’s) Guns

(In my high school’s cafeteria, there are two cash registers where you pay for your food. One is run by a middle-aged man, and the other by an elderly woman. The following takes place in the elderly woman’s cash line as she is giving Customer #1 his change.)

Customer #1: “God, can you be any slower? We only got twenty minutes to eat, lady!”

(The elderly woman continues to count out the change, ignoring him.)

Customer #1: “Come ON! I mean, why haven’t they fired you yet?! You’re way too old and slow to be even working!”

(At this point, the rest of us in line, as well as the man running the second register and a couple of teachers, have had about enough. The guy in front of me, who happens to be this woman’s grandson and the captain of the wrestling team, taps Customer #1 on the shoulder.)

Customer #2: “What’s that you’re saying about my granny, punk?”

(Customer #1 goes ghost-white when he sees the muscle-bound kid behind him.)

Customer #1: “Uh, I—”

Customer #2: “She has been nothing but sweet to you this whole time. You have absolutely no right to speak to her that way.” *raises fist* “Apologize. Now.”

Customer #1: “I’m sorry, lady! I’m sorry!”

Customer #2: *fist still raised* “Now take your food and your change and don’t even think about insulting my granny again. Got that?”

(Customer #1 grabs his things and runs to a table, where the vice principal is waiting to take him for a little walk. As he and Customer #1 walk out of the cafeteria the rest of the student body explodes into cheers for Customer #2, who exchanges a quick hug with his granny and goes to sit down. Even champion wrestlers love their grannies!)