Grandpa Isn’t Afraid To Talk Turkey

(I’m male. My grandfather is meeting my female best friend for the first time.)

Grampa: “Is this your girlfriend? I approve. So, when can I expect some great-grandkids?”

Me: “Sorry, Grampa. [Friend]’s just a friend, and she’s gay.”

Grampa: “Well, that’s no excuse, not with modern technology. Knock her up with a turkey baster for all I care! As long as I get some great-grandkids before I die.”

(I was mortified, but my friend howled with laughter. The two of them hit it off immediately. She later told me that if she ever decided she wanted a “turkey baster donation,” I would be the first in line.)