Having A Grande Old Time

, , , , | Right | September 11, 2017

Me: “Thank you for choosing your local [coffee shop]. What can I get started for you?”

Customer: *yelling* A grande vanilla latte!”

Me: “Okay, a grande van—”

Customer: *angrily* “I’m not done! I want that absolutely no foam, and with whipped cream!”

Me: “All righty, a gran—”

Customer: “I am not done! It has to have three honeys in it, with cinnamon and nutmeg!”

Me: “Would you like that sprinkled on top, or steamed into the milk?”

Customer: “On top! Steamed in is disgusting!”

Me: “You got it. A grande vanilla latte, with three honeys—”

Customer: *condescendingly* “I said, NO FOAM!”

Me: “Ma’am, I am repeating your entire drink order back to you to ensure that it is correct, and I was not finished. You have ordered a grande vanilla latte, with three honeys, no foam, with whipped cream, and cinnamon and nutmeg on top. Is that correct?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Me: “Perfect. Is there anything else I can get you?”

Customer: “A venti peach citrus infusion with no ice!”

Me: “Did you want—”

Customer: “Make sure there’s no ice! I’m not drinking it now!”

Me: “Did you want that sweet, or unsweet?”

Customer: “Sweet! It’s not worth drinking if it isn’t!”

Me: “Absolutely. Is there anything else I can get for you tonight?”

Customer: “No!”

Me: “Fantastic, we’ll see you at the window with your total.”

Customer: “Repeat my drinks again!” *haughtily* “I don’t think you got them right!”

Me: “It’ll be [total], around the corner!”

(She keeps demanding her drinks repeated, but my baristas and I ignore her. Finally, she pulls up to the window.)

Customer: “You need to remake my drinks! You wouldn’t repeat them, and you have them wrong!”

Me: “I have a grande vanilla latte, three honeys, absolutely no foam, with whip, cinnamon and nutmeg sprinkled on top, and a venti peach citrus infusion, sweetened, but with no ice, because you aren’t drinking it now. Are these the correct drinks?”

Customer: “That’s what I ordered, isn’t it?”

Me: “Then it will be [total].”

(She grumbles, pays, and receives her drinks.)

Customer: “This can’t be mine! There are no stickers!”

Me: “I made them as you ordered them, ma’am, before the stickers were printed. I hope you enjoy your drinks, and have a lovely evening.”

Customer: “I want to speak to your manager! You have been rude, and you made my drinks wrong!”

Me: *smiling sweetly, as my patience has finally paid off* “Ma’am, I AM the manager.”

(She goes completely white, and speeds away. Five minutes later, I get handed the phone by one of my baristas.)

Me: “This is [Name], how may I help you?”

Familiar Voice: “You’re the manager?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am?”

Customer: “You have a horrific barista in your drive through, claiming to be you! She was so rude! She kept interrupting, and she made my drinks wrong, and I want a refund and an apology!”

Me: “Did you have the grande vanilla latte, with three honeys, absolutely no foam, with whipped cream, cinnamon and nutmeg on top, with a venti peach citrus, sweetened, with no ice, because you aren’t drinking it now?”

Customer: *somehow still oblivious* “Yes! So, she told you about me! I want her fired for gossiping about customers!”

Me: “Actually, ma’am, that was me in the drive through, and I am the one who made your drinks to your exact specifications.”

Customer: “I asked for the manager, not the rude b**** in the drive through!”

Me: “Ma’am, that ‘rude b****’ is still me, and I am still the manager. Given that you have now escalated to verbal abuse, I will be putting in a report to corporate, and I am terminating this call.”

Customer: *starts screaming unintelligibly*

Me: *click*

1 Thumbs
  • Sorority Taylor


  • Eilonwy_has_an_aardvark

    Double wow.

    Though now I kind of want a peach citrus infusion.

    • Emma

      Sounds like a fancy name for peach lemonade 😛

      • Eilonwy_has_an_aardvark

        Peach lemonade sounds wonderful!

        I had to Google for what it really is, which is peach-flavored white tea. So NOW I want an Arnold Palmer-type drink that’s peach white tea and peach lemonade.

        • Emma

          Ooooooh, that sounds delightful. I’m from Texas and that would just hit the spot on a day like today.

        • robindaybird

          Let’s call it the Georgia Palmer, or the Atlanta Course

  • Samantha Phastine

    It’s not the fancy drinks that I mind about Starbucks…

    It’s the culture that they’ve instilled in customers like this. Guarantee you that Colectivo doesn’t inspire this kind of behavior.

  • Mouser

    When they start getting “stupid fussy” it’s because they want their order to be wrong so they can get stuff for free.

    • Matt A Krueger

      absolutely right

  • Souless night

    So much sad attitudes

    • emax4


  • KashyaCharsi

    Good thing that actual employees were safe from her.

  • ShamrockStreak

    A grande vanilla latte, with three honeys, no foam, with whipped cream, and cinnamon and nutmeg on top…? Mother Mary, you’re just trying to get a bloody caffeine infusion. Ask for something simple and clear off.

    • Paul Nieuwkamp

      That’s not a drink, it’s a desert…

      • heymoe2001


      • It’s a tad wet to be a desert…

        • Maybe it’s an oasis in the desert.

    • Chris Blahblahblah

      That’s not a complicated drink at all when it comes to Starbucks and places like it. Some people like different things, and the option’s there so why not take it?

      The person was the problem, not the drink, they were probably just being dicks to try and get free stuff.

    • Laren Dowling

      I don’t drink coffee, so I can’t speak to the finer nuances of flavor between different beans and roasts. However, if I’m paying $5 or more for a drink, it had darn well better be exactly what I want. Otherwise, what’s the point? You might as well just go to the gas station and get a cup of joe for a buck.

  • Vyrmis

    “*starts screaming unintelligibly*”

    What, only then?

  • Emma

    I never understood why people insist on having coffee orders that complicated. You’re just increasing the likelihood that someone will make a mistake and you’re making it take longer! This is why I just stick with ordering mochas. Simple and almost always good, regardless of coffee chain.

    • Rina

      Wait, you mean different people want different orders? Crazy. Also, speaking as an employee of this chain as well, this is far from a crazy order. The customer was just a jerk.

      • Chris Blahblahblah

        I often had “I want a cappuccino with no foam” when I worked at Starbucks. Couldn’t talk sense into them that that’s just a latte, so I’d whisper “make a no foam latte” to the ones preparing the orders

        • Kamikaze Blitz

          Nice work, easier to get them what you know they want instead of arguing semantics.

          I read stories where workers try to correct the customer ten times over. It gives me a figurative headache reading those.

          • Chris Blahblahblah

            People hate to admit when they’re wrong, even though it’d make their lives way easier.

          • SuperCarol

            Ehh, I’m on the fence about those. If you continue to give them what they’re not actually asking for (even though it’s what they mean) you’re just making it difficult for the next barista that customer orders from. If they appear to be a reasonable individual I will attempt to explain what a cappuccino is, and if they’re not reasonable, I’ll make them a no-foam cap, and then “fix” it when they complain. Of course, if there’s a line going out the door (was known to happen in my store) then you just make the drink you know they want and move on.

    • Matt Westwood

      It’s not about the consumption of coffee. It’s about the illusion of power, wealth and luxury. All those posh names make it sound as though you are getting something special, and making it deliberately complicated makes it sound as though you are in a position of power and control over a fellow human being to whom you are deliberately giving unnecessarily hard work. Is that you? Anybody out there recognise yourself? If so, you’re a cunt.

      • godzillahomer

        nope, not me; I don’t even drink simple coffee

        heck, I live in a Starbucks dead zone; I remember some of the old folks in my hometown would gather at the local [Fast Food Place] for morning coffee; that was the closest my hometown had to a cafe that I knew of

    • Jackie Fauxe

      “You’re just increasing the likelihood that someone will make a mistake”

      For some customers, I think that’s the point because they’ll often get a discount or free drink if it’s done wrong and they make a fuss.

    • courtykat

      They want it “complicated” because they like it that way. If they have the option to order it to their tastes, why shouldn’t they? I think people with complicated orders should be more forgiving when it comes to mistakes made, but there’s nothing wrong with wanting it to be made a specific way.

      • Chris Blahblahblah

        Exactly! I always ask for mine with lactose-free milk because I’m intolerant, and also steamed to 140 degrees (10 under the default) because I like drinking it right away without burning my lips.

        Places like Starbucks have the option there for those who want it, and those who want it shouldn’t feel guilty since the store is offering it.

      • heymoe2001

        They like it complicated so that they CAN complain later.

      • Emma

        I never said they shouldn’t order it that way. People have all rights to do whatever they wish with their food and beverage purchases. Perhaps I’m just too impatient/socially anxious to order things in such a way. I myself am actually fairly picky but I generally just order something that fits my tastes rather than adjusting an item in so many ways.

    • Eilonwy_has_an_aardvark

      People know what they like, and some people are just very specific in their preferences?

      I dunno — I lack the bandwidth to do more than order off the menu, and fortunately I don’t have allergies. I don’t want to learn how different ingredients interact to make outrageous flavors, so I figure the pre-fab drinks have been tested and proven to work, and if I want novelty and excitement, I should order those. (Yes, I joined the Unicorn Frappe craze. That thing was weird.)

      • Emma

        The Unicorn Frap was very off-putting to me because it didn’t taste how I thought it ought to. I was expecting bubblegum or birthday cake and received mango, there’s something lost in translation there to me…

    • Mine is a pretty simple, chai latte with an extra flavor shot (normally vanilla but pumpkin spice or gingerbread if they’re in season)

      Alternatively I just make it myself at home

    • Bonnie L

      Because they can. The coffee places have the options, so some people want them. When I get coffee, it’s at one of the low-cost places so it comes black, unsweetened, & unflavored. And sometimes I have to pour my own. But it’s cheap! 🙂

    • Same. If I want something complex, I’ll figure out how to make it myself, but at restaurants I’d rather stick to items as they are listed on the menu. Even simple requests like “extra milk” or whatever can be forgotten when you’re used to making an item on autopilot.

  • Shannon Beranek

    Alternately, my recent SB experience
    Me: large iced coffee black
    Barista gives drink, has sugar in it
    Me: why did you put sugar in this?
    Barista: ‘Cause you ordered it?
    Me: nope (points at label)
    Barista: here’s a new one
    Me: Cool, thanks

    • Cathrope

      That’s different. The barista messed up.

    • EricKei

      There are some areas (mostly New England) where “plain coffee with sugar” is called “black coffee” — which it isn’t. If this was a chain (in particular), they should be consistent with their terminology…

    • justinagirle

      I had a similar problem. I ordered a strawberry acai refresher, though the mobile app, and indicated I wanted light ice (I can’t drink drinks that are too cold) and when I walked in the store, the cup was packed full with ice. When informed the manager (I think) that I asked for light ice, she sighed, then asked the barista to remake my drink, who also sighed.

      I usually don’t try to be a pest but was kind of annoyed when they both sighed, like I was the problem, when we wouldn’t have had a problem if it was made correctly the first time.

    • godzillahomer

      You confused them, your order was super simple, no frills, no spices, no shots of flavor; worker.exe encounter an error and had to close

      • QueenCheetah

        Worker.exe will now close. Do you wish to send a report to corporate?

  • RyderOrRiot1


  • Kitty

    “That’s what I ordered, isn’t it?”
    You should remember what you ordered.

  • johnnyboyjohn

    OK, that had to be my sister. She’s like that all the time.

    • George Gidley

      Have you slapped her yet for being such a jerk?

      • johnnyboyjohn

        Many times, to the point of where I’m not sure if my slaps are now the cause or the effect….?

  • Matt Westwood

    Probably just got married to a sports player, and thinks this is how rich posh people behave to menials.

  • CyNical CyNthia

    Wow, she really wanted her fix didn’t she? Freakin sugar addicts. Good thing you put your foot down, OP.

  • emax4

    I never worked fast food. Isn’t there a system in place to mute the customer, then double the volume of the fast food worker speaker? It would cut off the customer (much needed!) and force the customer to listen.

    • Christina Veronica Larsson

      In my experience, the volume on the headsets can be adjusted to make sure the workers hear what’s going on, but the speaker outside can’t be.

  • General Ledger

    You’re absolutely right ma’am. Our company policy is to make our drinks as pleasant as the customer. The barista failed to give you an unsweetened tea and our bitterest coffee with foaming Tabasco sauce. I’ll reprimand her now.

    • godzillahomer

      That’s not crappy enough

      Take random amounts of 3 kinds of milk, 5 kinds of juice, 8 kinds of soda; mix it all together, you’ll surely have a crap concoction there

      • AKchic

        Make sure it’s all curdled milk that has been sitting in the sun for a minimum of 3 days.

        • godzillahomer

          or add hot sauce

  • Brandon

    This just makes me remember when I worked at Starbucks and we had a customer who would come in and ask for a tall Pike Place Roast.

    When he’d order it, he would ask if we had Pike. We’d confirm, and then he’d order the Pike. We’d hand him the coffee… and he’d ask if it’s Pike. And then, he’d pay, take the coffee………. and ask again if it’s Pike.

    I legitimately wondered if he was somewhere on the spectrum, but no matter how many ways we tried to communicate differently with him that it would only ever be Pike at that time of night, he would consistently ask for it. It wasn’t really an issue, until one time he came in and asked for a cup for water, made us fill it up with literally one mouthful of water, and then threw it away. He did this multiple times a day, and finally my coworker very nicely said “you know, if you hold onto that cup we can just refill it for you if you’d like!”

    Wrong thing to do. He went OFF on all of us, insisting he was going to call the VP of Starbucks because we made him feel HOMELESS, that we were SO RUDE, and he tried to get me and almost all my other coworkers fired. He called our district manager, talked at her for at least an hour about it, and then demanded my other coworkers fired when they informed him I was not fired. He’d sit and watch us for hours and complain to corporate if he thought we did something wrong, despite him not knowing our standards. Then he would start complaining that every fresh batch of coffee was too weak, that we were making it wrong, and then if we did anything wrong in his eyes he would stop us and talk at us for 45 minutes and not let us serve customers.

    Took over a damn year, but he finally got banned from all Starbucks. Thank god.

  • technomage1

    Anyone who has a drink order that complicated is obnoxious, and to go through the drive through with it is even more obnoxious. My most complicated coffee is a latte.

  • Janice Anne Garrido

    Sometimes I wish I am super rich that I can find employment in retail just for fun and in a ready-to-get-fired-anytime mode. And if I did, I’d so wish to encounter a**ho**s and b**ches like these, so I can teach them a lesson. I am evil.

    • Eilonwy_has_an_aardvark

      Why is Amazon or Netflix not doing this as a comedy-adventure series? RETAIL AVENGER.

      • I would totally watch that!

        • Da Rat Bastid

          As would I.

  • sackes

    “You are welcome to get your free grande vanilla latte, with three honeys, absolutely no foam, with whipped cream, cinnamon and nutmeg on top, with a venti peach citrus, sweetened, with no ice, and complimentary laxative…”

  • Lany Chabot-Laroche

    How sad it it that this type of thing is so common that there is a procedure for it and that OP is so used to it she justs follows it like a routine.

  • AussieEevee

    Customer: “On top! Steamed in is disgusting!”

    Okay, but coffee is disgusting… I’m sorry, you had a point?

  • saffie

    The short version of this story:

    Me: “Welcome to Mooncash, my name is Chris. What can I get for you toda…”

    Customer: “FREEBIES!! GIMME FREEBIES!!!”

  • godzillahomer

    I don’t often wish burns on people, but twits like that woman, I kinda wish they had gotten McDonalds coffee, with a faulty cup bottom that spills it on them five minutes later; never be rude to those handling your drinks or food; a bit of laxatives, and your whole day will be ruined or your tomorrow

    • Laren Dowling

      Having a complicated order is one thing. Being a rude, entitled twit about it… that’s something else.
      And you’re absolutely right. One should never be rude to those providing them a service. Things go so much smoother when you’re nice to food handlers, secretaries, janitors, nurses, etc.

  • PepsiLime


  • Kenya Starflight

    Holy scrap, what a nightmare. Why does it seem like the longer and more complicated the drink/food order, the bigger the a-hole? I know that’s not always the case, but still…

  • Yohannes Setiadji

    She did it on purpose! She make an order as difficult as it be, ask for a specific step to be done accordingly, so when just one step not happenning, she have a reason to complain and hopefully can get free stuff.

    Or if she has evil heart, perhaps she also looking for satisfaction by watching a person lose his/her job.

  • Rick C

    There’s not really any point in pretending this isn’t Starbucks if you’re going to use the “word” venti.

  • LittleMissCloud

    Whatever happened to ordering off the menu? I must be a dream to the people who have to take my order. Nothing fancy just exactly how y’all make it because someone besides me worked out the best flavor combinations.

  • Will Flynn

    The more complicated the order, the more high maintenance (not worth it by a long shot) the person is.

  • Kyra-Ann Sedgwick

    Okay, she was definitely rude and ridiculous, but you could have de-escalated the situation by repeating her drinks. By ignoring her you made the situation worse and gave her an actual valid complaint, when before she was just being fussy.

    • Laren Dowling

      Sometimes, reciting it all back for her slows everything down, because you’re in the middle of doing something (like making said drinks), and would have to literally stop everything you’re doing to mentally gear shift and recite the entire order.

      • Kyra-Ann Sedgwick

        The way the OP tells the story it felt spiteful, rather than trying to be efficient, and I think it really spurred on the customer to ask multiple times and be ignored.

  • QueenCheetah

    Next time, just give her an extra-large cup of water. When she complains, knock the cup towards her and she’ll start melting. Problem solved.