Grand Theft Innocence

(Note: it’s illegal to sell games rated M to small children without parental consent. A young boy and girl, both about ten years old, bring a game well-known for violence, sex, and other child-inappropriate behavior to the counter.)

Me: “I’m sorry. I need your parent’s permission before I can sell you this.”

Kid #1: “Why? He said we can have it. We have the other ones. Just sell it to me.”

Me: “I’m sorry. I’ll have to get your parent’s permission first.”

Kid #2: “Fine. I’ll go get him. Daddy is in the car.”

(The kid returns, followed by her irate dad.)

Dad: “Why won’t you sell them this stupid game? I had to get out of the car because you can’t trust my children not to buy something they shouldn’t. I have good kids!”

Me: “I’m sure you do, sir. It’s a law, though. I can get fired if I don’t make sure to get your permission.”

Dad: “There’s nothing wrong with this game! I want to see your manager!”

Me: “Sure.”

(My manager comes over and gets an earful from the guy. He explains how I’ve insulted him and his children by making him come inside.)

Manager: “Well, sir, she’s absolutely right. This game is rated mature and has some pretty rough language and sexual content.”

Dad: “Don’t you think I know what the game is? They have the other ones.”

Manager: “I’m a little surprised, sir. I don’t allow my kids to play this game. It’s pretty violent.”

Dad: “I turn the volume down! What kind of parent do you think I am?”

Manager: “Well, sir, you can’t turn the volume down on beating a hooker with a baseball bat.”

(The dad storms out of the store with his kids, all the while asking if they knew about the hookers and baseball bats.)