The Grade Is S*** And So Is The Student

(A friend of mine, a professor, has a student who never attends class or turns in an assignment. Quite naturally, he gets a failing grade, which he then formally appeals. When my friend refuses to change the grade, the dean calls him and the student in for a meeting to try to find a “compromise.” The dialogue goes like this:)

Student: “I need this class to graduate. You need to give me a passing grade.”

Professor: “You didn’t meet any of the course requirements. You did not attend class and never turned in any assignments. I cannot change your grade.”

Dean: “I’d like to find a solution to this problem. Is there any way [Student] could complete missing assignments to change his grade?”

Professor: “That wouldn’t be fair to the students who did complete requirements.”

(At this point the student, who has been belligerent in previous dealings with the professor, loses his cool.)

Student: “You will give me a passing grade, or my lawyer will be contacting the school.”

Professor: “I am not changing the grade.”

Student: “You are going to. You will eat all my s*** and give me that grade!”

Dean: “Let’s calm down and see if we can’t find a compromise.”

Professor: “What kind of compromise? You mean I only have to eat half his s***?”

(My friend got up at that point and walked out, with the student continuing to yell. He didn’t change the grade.)