Grabbing The Situation By The A**

(I work at an upscale bar where waitresses wear tight black dresses. The boss is a bit old-school and will only employ pretty college girls. I think he knows our student loans and the average $200 a night in tips are the only things that keep us there. Most customers are nice, classy people, but once in a while we get what we call “frat boy bankers” who drunkenly grope us. We just hired a gorgeous new girl who the frat boys spot and demand come serve them.)

Customer: “Hello, sugar.”

New Girl: “What can I get you?”

Customer: “A piece of this!” *grabs her butt*

New Girl: *uses some sort of cool move to grab his wrist and bend it back painfully* “Get out.”

Customer: “What the h***?! Get me your manager!”

New Girl: *walks to the boss* “I need you to kick out some gropers.”

Boss: “Those guys spend a grand a night.”

New Girl: “They grabbed my a**.”

Boss: “In this job, you just have to deal with things like that. They usually tip a few hundred.”

New Girl: “It is illegal for them to touch me without my consent. Kick them out.”

Boss: “If you want this job, you will march right back over—”

New Girl: “—and even more illegal for you to try and force me into prostitution.”

Boss: “This isn’t prostitution. No cop would arrest—”

New Girl: “You don’t look like I do without getting harassed pretty much every day. I know sexual harassment laws very well. Either kick them out, or I call the cops.”

Boss: *snorts derisively* “This is the real world—”

New Girl: *holds up phone* “And I have our conversation on tape. Now, get them out.”

(A week later we had a new manager, and she kicks out anyone who so much as makes lewd comments.)