Got To Face The Facebook Facts

(I work as a supervisor at a pool for the past few years. Most of the lifeguards and instructors are under 18 since the pool is attached to the local high school. Because the pool is so small, supervisors also guard on some shifts with the only other staff person in the building being the lifeguard. This happens with one of the 16-year-old boys we’d hired earlier that summer, so he has no idea I am 23. I am left on the stand for over 45 minutes.)

Me: “Where the h*** have you been? You were supposed to be here half an hour ago!”

Coworker: “I lost track of time.”

Me: “Were you doing something important?”

Coworker: *doesn’t answer*

(After getting off the stand, I check the office to see what he’s been doing. The little idiot had stayed logged into his Facebook, and I find out he’s been sexting with his girlfriend. I maximize the screen to show I know when I go to switch with him. Moments after we switch, this happens:)

Coworker: *spitting profanities at me*

Me: “Woah, there are about 20 children in the pool. Watch the language.”

Coworker: “That was an invasion of privacy!”

Me: “What, you leaving your Facebook logged in?”

Coworker: “Yes!”

Me: “You do realize using social media sites at work is against the rules, right? We’re on the school’s network. Also, what are you talking about? You signed a form saying you would do nothing like that.”

Coworker: “You’re not my boss!”

Me: “Actually, right now, I am. [Boss] is on vacation, so I’m in charge until she gets back.”

Coworker: “You’re just a teenager like me! You have no authority over me!”

Me: “I have seven years on you. I want you off the premises. I’ve already called a replacement for you and covered all your shifts until [Boss] is back.”

(He tried to push me in the pool before sprinting out. The moron tried to show up for his shifts that I was supervising, and when our boss returned he was fired. It gets better: he was expelled for using the school’s computers for “illicit activities.” Then his girlfriend dumped him. Then his mother made him come and apologize!)