Got That Problem Licked

Husband: “Can you hand me the cup of water next to you?”

Me: “Yes, but you need to give me three kisses if you want it.”

Husband: “Okay.” *kisses me twice then holds the back of my head like he’s going to lick me*

Me: “NO! Don’t do it! It’s so gross!”

Husband: “What? My kisses are gross?”

Me: “No, I love those. You were going to lick me!”

Husband: “No, I wasn’t. I just want to give you a kiss.”

Me: “Fine, but no licking! You lick and I’ll push you off the bed!”

Husband: “Well, I’ll push you off the bed first.”

Me: “You wouldn’t dare…”

Husband: “Whatever. Let me just give you a kiss.”

Me: “Fine, no licking.”

(He kisses me, pulls away, and then licks the side of my face.)

Me: “EWW! OH, MY GOD! YUCK!”

Husband: *laughs*

(As promised, I go push him off the bed, but just enough so he’s just teetering on the edge. I’m not going to let him fall.)

Husband: “Hey! Let me up! I’m going to fall!”

Me: “Well, I told you! You lick, I push.”

Husband: “Let me up! I won’t lick again if you let me up!”

Me: “Fine.”

(I go to pull him up but lose grip and he really starts to fall. I just catch him before he does, but I catch him by his pants so now he’s dangling halfway off the bed with his bare butt in the air and I’m holding onto his pants for dear life. I try to pull up, but can’t because I’m laughing too darn hard.)

Husband: “Stop laughing and pull me up!”

Me: “I can’t; you’re going to have to fall. Brace yourself!”

(I dropped him and he landed on the ground. He wasn’t hurt or anything and he was laughing just as hard as I was. He got back into bed and licked my other cheek. I thought I deserved it.)