Got Love In The Bank

(I’m answering the phone at the bank I work at. Note that 999 is the emergency number in England.)

Me: “Hello, it’s Katy at [bank]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “My husband’s having a heart attack.”

Me: “You need to call 999.”

Customer: “I’d like to take his name off the bank account.”

Me: “Call 999.”

Customer: “No, I want him to die. So, can you just take his name off?

Me: “No, call 999!”

Customer: “Take his name off!”

Me: “Not unless he comes to the bank and signs it. Right now, you need to call 999.”

Customer: “We’ll be right there.”

Me: “No! Call 999!”

(Two minutes later, a woman comes in and speaks to my coworker.)

Customer: “I think my husband’s dead.”

Coworker: “Erm…have you called an ambulance?”

Customer: “No, because your employee Katy said to come here and not call 999!”

Me:“No, I didn’t! I’ve got the call recorded and I specifically told you to call 999! Where is your husband?”

Customer: “In the car.”

(I go outside and see an unconscious man in a car. I call an ambulance and they take him to the hospital. Several weeks later, the man comes in to sign a form. It states that he doesn’t want to share a bank account with his now ex-wife.)