Got Ants In Your Pants About Buying This Animal

(I work at a well known pet store chain. Late at night, just a half hour before closing, we get a phone call from a tired sounding woman.)

Me: “Hello, thank you for calling [Pet Store]. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Caller: *sounds of customer trying to silence a barking dog* “Uh, yeah, do you have any anteaters?”

Me: *I pause because I’m a little surprised by this* “I don’t believe we do.”

Caller: “Are you sure? Because you kind of hesitated like you weren’t sure.”

Me: “You said anteaters? Is that a name of a product or—”

Caller: “No, like the animal. You know, like an anteater? Do you sell them?”

Me: “I’m sure we don’t.”

Caller: “You hesitated again. Maybe you should go make sure.”

(The store is not very large and neither are the animals we sell: nothing bigger than a guinea pig. I tell her I will check and put her on hold for a few seconds. I inform the working manager and he tells me to just tell her I didn’t find any anteaters, which is what I do.)

Caller: “Aw, man, really? I really need an anteater. Do you know if the other store carries them? What is it?”

Me: “[Competitor]?”

Caller: “Yeah! Do they have them? Do they have anteaters?”

Me: “I’m very certain they do not.”

Caller: “Are you sure? You kind of paused. Can you make sure?”

Me: “Ma’am, there is no way I can check a competitor’s stock but I am pretty sure they don’t sell anteaters.”

(After exclaiming her disappointment once again, she described to me her reason for needing an anteater. She told me she has a cousin who has a serious ant problem in her apartment and was told by a friend that they had solved a similar problem using an anteater, which, they said, can be purchased at some pet stores. What she intended to do with the large exotic animal after it served its purpose is still a mystery.)